Harumph.

    I apologize for being MIA for the last week or so, but it's become increasingly difficult for me to meet my Thursday post goal.  I have a lot going on right now with the holidays fast approaching and my education on the line, so unfortunately blogging hasn't been my top priority.  I haven't really been in the best mood and a lot has been getting me down lately.  I'm also very VERY behind in TV, (I've only been keeping up with Once Upon a Time at this point since it's the only one I can watch when it airs on Sundays).  I'll explain...
    As you know, I've been doing a year-long internship through my university at a local high school in the English department.  So far it's been an upward struggle, with my health declining and issues with overall teaching performance.  At this point, I've been given my class back and have been teaching mostly on my own for the last few weeks.  Unfortunately I have not been as successful as I would like to be at this point.  I'm still having noticeable issues with classroom management and the delivery of lessons.  I always think that I'm doing better than I actually am, which has hindered my progress.  Because of my substituting background, I've noticed that I tend to deliver lessons directly and methodically with little to no real explanation or real-world connection.  I need to work harder at humanizing the lessons for my students and making sure that we're using discussion adequately in class instead of just going through the motions.  I also need to start pulling the trigger with discipline.  I have a bunch of kids who talk over me during class and I need to take care of that as soon as possible before I lose them.  I wasn't expecting to have as much difficulty with this as I have been, but the reality is that my future is on the line at this point.  I'm not getting credit for this first semester until I prove myself worthy, so I really have to step it up and make these next few weeks count.  Luckily I still have some time, but I've been feeling really discouraged lately and uninspired.  My lack of progress and apparent noncompliance with the regulations set down by the program have made me doubt my abilities and it's really stressing me out, to be blunt.  Hopefully I can get my shit together soon or I'll be looking at repeating the internship next year and adding another year of school to my already mounting college debt.  I understand what's at stake and that's not making me any less anxious and stressed, but maybe that's what I need.  I don't want to panic, but I might be by the end of Christmas vacation, which is not what I want.  Keep your fingers crossed for me that I make it out of this alive and worth certifying, or I'm going to be looking for a new career path when it's too late...

    Besides the obvious problems I'm having with teaching, I really don't have a lot going on.  We recently moved, (another reason I haven't been on top of the blog lately), and have been unpacking for the last few weeks as we get settled in.  So far it's been really nice and comfortable and I really appreciate where we live now.  I don't come home to an empty, cold apartment and I have access to a great kitchen stocked with food, so I really can't complain.  Having animals again has been nice too!  Money has also been less of an issues, at least on my end, and I've been working on saving as much as I can already and reorganizing my finances so they fit my new needs.  My project for this weekend is finishing reorganizing my filing crate so I can fit all my bills, paperwork and other things in one accessible spot.  It's also been nice to have some extra help and expertise with these types of things because most of the time, when it comes to budgets and other adult things, I have NO idea what I'm doing yet.  Still trying to figure out a new routine for our new space, but so far I think we're settling in nicely and everything will eventually feel more natural.

    I'm looking forward to the holiday break mostly.  Next week is my birthday week, so I have that to look forward to.  I'm turning 25, which for some people is a big deal, but I feel like it'll just be another birthday for me.  I don't really know what age I actually feel like; sometimes I feel like I'm still 18 and other times I feel like I'm 30, so 25 should be interesting.  The following week there's a day and a half of school before break starts Wednesday.  After that, we don't come back until January 5th.  It will be nice to spend more time with my family and hopefully put the worries I have about my teaching future out of my mind for a few weeks.  My little sister is flying home from Texas on Saturday and I can't wait to see her!  Spending the holidays with family is greater than any gift I could receive.  It took me a long time to realize what Christmas should be about and I'm glad that we get to see everyone from both sides and spend a little time with each family.  It's worth it to me and that's all I really need.  That and lots of great food:)

    Once Upon a Time was really emotional last weekend!  I wasn't expecting what happened, and I love when shows do that because it keeps you on your toes.  With the last few episodes being very straightforward and predictable, it was nice to see a change.  I was getting pretty sick of the crazy family-hungry snow queen thing and it was heartbreaking to find out her sister really regretted her actions form the past.  The last time we saw that bottle was the very beginning of the season, so I had been curious to see what she had written in the letter, but I hadn't expected that.  I also wasn't expecting the flashbacks to Emma's past and the fact that Ingrid was very close to adopting her.  I can understand why Ingrid took Emma's memories upon her arrival to Storybrooke.  Now that the curse has been lifted due to Ingrid sacrificing herself, everything seems to be back to normal.  But wait!  Rumple is STILL a conniving bastard!  For next week's mid-season finale, I'm predicting Rumple attempting to take over the world one more time and get that dagger off his back, someone finding out about him lying to everyone, spreading that around and it getting back to Emma, who will have to stop him with the help of everyone else in town.  Elsa and Anna will probably help too before they go back to Arendelle to return those memories.  I'm hoping we at least see the Sorcerer or something because we've kind of taken a back-seat to the whole "author of the book" mystery, so that's the only other curiosity I had.  We'll see what happens, but I anticipate a lot of Rumple hatred next week.
    That's all I have for you this week.  I had to take some time and write this during school so I don't leave you guys hanging again.  I'm not sure if there will be continuous posts from me every week, but I will try to post at least one more time before Christmas break starts.  Hopefully I'll have some good updates for you.  Until next time, I remain your faithful correspondent.

Hulking Out and Parent/Teacher Conferences

    So far, so good!  Hope everyone's doing ok.  I'm glad I at least talked myself into typing this up tonight, even though it's been a really long day.  I literally JUST got home from my first round of parent/teacher conferences, (it's about 9:30pm), and I can honestly say it wasn't terrible.  Luckily the two kids who had signed up to see me who are failing my class didn't show, but I'll have to deal with them later.  Most of my kids are great, well-behaved and acing my class, so I'm not too worried.

    I was a little worried at the end of last week, on Friday, because I got some really negative and harsh criticism/feedback from my cooperating teacher about my progress so far:(  I guess I wasn't doing as well as I had hoped...  It really hurt to hear her honesty, but I appreciated that she had the heart to tell me.  I'm not connecting with the kids in the right way, I'm still too soft on them, they talk over me STILL, I have some trouble makers who think they're smart asses who test my patience, and I guess overall I'm still not delivering the curriculum correctly, (or at least adequately enough to help them comprehend what I'm talking about).  I know that her suggestions and opinions are only supposed to help me and make me better over time, so I hope I can improve to a point where I'm proud of myself again.  Just today I got over the "I don't think I want to be a teacher anymore" feeling, so here's to a new leaf turning.  We just started a new unit on The Odyssey and we're doing a research project about monsters and Greek gods, so this should be fun!

    On the health front, I'm feeling so much better!  I'm on my second day of steroids and I can safely say I can't remember the last time it was easy for me to get out of bed in the morning.  It's been nice feeling "normal" for awhile, even though it won't last forever.  I have a month to see what's going on, but for now I'm focusing mostly on my upcoming biopsy, which is Thursday.  I'll have a long weekend to recover, but I'm still really scared about the procedure and complications...  I have an ultrasound on Monday which isn't terrible, but I have to "fast" for it, which means I can't eat for 12 hours, (2am-2pm).  NOT fun.  I think I'm going to cheat a little and get some jello and/or pudding, (who WOULDN'T want pudding?!)  Getting through the day is hard enough as it is, but with no food and all these 'roids coursing through my veins it'll be hard to survive the day.  Until we get the results back from the kidney biopsy, they won't know how bad my Lupus Nephritis is, so we'll have to wait and see.  It's probably not that serious, but dialysis still scares me, so I hope it doesn't come to that.

    On TV this past week, I've started a new show called The Red Band Society, in which the series is narrated by a child in a coma as a part of a terminally ill or intensive care unit for kids and teens in a hospital in California.  The doctor/surgeon is wicked hot, the characters are snarky despite their conditions and Nurse Jackson is my new spirit animal.  I'm happy there's a show like this on Fox and I can't wait to see what they do with it.  Gotham is another show I've been loving recently that just started.  Obviously my husband and I had to watch this one solely based on the Batman references, but it's surprisingly engaging without the bat.  I'm also excited to see where they take this series because they have a lot to work with and many directions they could take this.  So far I like the guy playing Gordon and I've always liked Donal Logue, so there's a win-win team right there.  I'm still getting over him being a viking...  I love how they've portrayed Selena Kyle so far and I can't wait to see how Bruce and Selena become friends, (or enemies).

    Other shows that have started but I haven't been able to get caught up on are Castle, Bones, (I know who dies...I'm DEVASTATED), Face Off, Agents of Shield, Reign, and The Amazing Race.  I did catch the premiere of Once Upon a Time last Sunday and it was AMAZING!  I'm not turned off about the Frozen team being there, especially if it means that Scott Michael Foster is back in my life again.  I literally screamed when I saw the sorcerer's hat from Fantasia morph from that box at Belle and Rumple's house, but we'll see what he does/doesn't do with that.  Also, the kiss between Emma and Hook proves that Captain Swan is alive and well!  So excited for this season and what they have up their sleeves.
    Well, that's all I have for this week.  I really have to go to bed...  Even though I'm feeling better physically, I'm still suffering from fatigue and my kidney issues.  I've also been really itchy lately, all over, so I'm not sure if I'm allergic to my father's fabric softener or if it's a side effect from the steroids, but I'll figure it out this weekend I think.  I should have an update next week.  I may have to push back my post until Friday, depending on how I feel next Thursday after my procedure, but we'll play it by ear.  Until next time, I remain your faithful correspondent.

PS: In other news, tomorrow is October 3rd.  I'm planning an impromptu Mean Girls Day celebration tomorrow in class.  You're welcome in advance kids:)

I'm BACK!

    Hello everyone!  Welcome back!  I know I said that I would be back at the beginning of September, but a lot has been going on and I honestly haven't found the time to post until now, so I apologize.  Things have been crazy lately and I have every intention of telling you all about what's been going on with me during the last few months.

    First of all, we've started school!  I spent the last months of summer at our local summer camp and it was so much fun!  It's been about a month since school, (and my internship), officially started and I'm just now getting more comfortable and relaxed with the kids.  I'm hoping this will kind of turn into a space where I can vent and discuss my internship experience in full and maybe work through some of my problems or concerns about my teaching future.  We'll see!  So far, so good though.  I was getting worried for awhile because they still have trouble listening to me and I have problems with projection, (which I initially found hard to believe given my naturally loud voice).  As of right now, they seem to be more comfortable with me, so we'll see how that keeps up.  I'm doing a rotating seating chart to help them quell the talking and to get them to meet each other as well.  I have a few students who insist on sitting near or next to each other and that's never a good idea.  We've been slowly progressing through our short story unit and they have a test on Friday, so we'll see how that goes.  Right now I'm more concerned about their writing and grammatical issues that I will have to address at some point...  The one main thing I have been loving about my class is the emphasis on Penny Kittle and independent reading choices.  The kids have really had fun picking out and reading their own books, and, even though this is a new curriculum for everyone, I think they're getting the hang of it.  So for now, that's what I've been doing in school, with plenty more to come.

    Part of my internship is a weekly seminar, which is a space where the interns can vent and voice their aggressions with the rest of the group.  It's been awesome so far to hear all the other stories from other departments.  I'm the only English intern, so I've felt sort of secluded from everyone else here at the school.  It's nice to talk and discuss with other like-minded college grads.  Our internship coordinator is pretty cool too I guess.  He's been more than a huge help, especially lately, so I will have to remember to get him a card as a thank you at the end of all this.  Especially if he helps me find a job too.  I will most likely post my blog entries every week after seminar on Thursdays because I still want it to be during the week so I can talk education, but I don't want to feel overwhelmed or pressured by it, so I'll try that out for next week.  I know it's Tuesday, but I have some downtime between periods so I figured what the heck.

    Now for the bad...  As you know, I've been struggling with random severe flares from my Lupus ever since last summer.  Lately, they have escalated to the point where I've had to seek alternative treatment back at Massachusetts General Hospital.  This summer, though very enjoyable, was also very tumultuous in the sense that I was very sick for most of the three months I worked and had to take some time off to recuperate.  I'm not the type of person to take time off because of sickness or anything like that, even though I probably should sometimes.  With the internship now, I have more flexibility and if I need to, I can take some time for myself and my health.  I've already had the discussion with my coordinator and my cooperating teacher and they are both on board with me getting my health back on track.  Last night was especially difficult for me...  In the last 13 years, I can never remember crying or getting emotionally upset over the pain I have.  Last night was the first time I just broke down and let all of my frustration out.  I could barely move and I'm actually surprised I made it to my apartment alone.  My left leg hurt so bad I had to physically lift it into and out of my car with my own arms, which also hurt a great deal, (obviously a little less than my leg).  It's gotten to the point where I'm literally sick and tired of feeling like this.  I've never had a flare last THIS long.  It's scary to think how badly this has progressed over the last year.  It makes me fearful of my future and what's to come.  On top of my body shutting down, I've also developed the butterfly rash on my face, been having trouble breathing due to my pericarditis, and had a resurgence of kidney problems that I'm currently working on with both my primary Rheumatologist and the clinical doctor at Mass Gen.  I'm hoping to get in to see a kidney doctor this week before I go back to Boston for my follow up a week from today.  I'm hoping to get this sorted out soon so I can finally have some relief.  I have found solace in a support group known as the "Spoonies," who are other people with chronic illnesses.  They call themselves "spoonies" because of a blog written by Christine Miserandino called "The Spoon Theory."  She writes about her experiences trying to explain how her illness works to her friend and the results are astounding.  It is a great piece of writing and I'll link it here.  I totally recommend it to anyone who wants to know more about chronic illness.

    That's basically it for me.  As far as TV goes, I'll try to keep my reviews to a minimum, but my shows are all starting up again, so we'll see how that goes.  I'm currently watching Face Off, but Gotham just premiered last night and I'll be watching that with my husband probably tonight.  Also, I have been on the fence about Dancing With the Stars this season, but I might watch just in case Bethany Mota wins.  I believe the only other shows I'm waiting to start again are Castle, Bones, and The Amazing Race.  I'm thinking about adding another page to my blog just for TV reviews, so let me know what you think about that in the comments below.  I would also like to revamp my book log and let you guys know what I'm reading right now and what I think about it, kind of like what I'm doing with my students and Book Talks.  Let me know!  Until next time, I remain your faithful correspondent.