Fit Spoonie

    Hello friends!  For today's post, I'm going to chat a little bit about my fitness and health journey so far, including what I've been doing and the motivations behind my decision to do this.  It's been fairly easy to adjust to this, especially for a newer lifestyle change.  This post is especially designed for my fellow Spoonies and anyone else who is struggling with weight, self confidence, eating habits, etc.

    I began my healthy eating towards the end of July, right before I went on my week-long vacation.  I jumped on board with my friend Katie, of Cookies N' Kale fame, to jump-start my healthy eating lifestyle with a little "accountabilabuddy."  This just means that we check in with each other and log our food to make sure each of us is staying on track.  So far I've been doing really well at logging and keeping in touch, so I hope that continues once we both start grad school again.  We keep each other accountable for the choices we make and we also help each other stick to our goals and share recipes.  The collaboration has been really great so far and I've found that I've been able to stick with it a lot better since I'm doing this with someone else.  Here's to the buddy system!

(grilled chicken thighs with local mixed greens, tomatoes and an Italian hemp dressing)

    The main reason I wanted to jump on the clean/healthy eating bandwagon was because of my health issues.  As most of you already know, I have Lupus, among other things, including Lupus nephritis, which has been wreaking havoc on my kidneys for about a year now, (has it really already been a year?!)  Needless to say it's been a whirlwind romance with my latest ailment and it definitely hasn't been easy adjusting to my new normal.  At this point in my life, I've been struggling and living with my Lupus for about 14 years now, so I'm pretty used to my body and how it works.  Unfortunately, this disease comes with a few nasty side effects.  Just the medication alone has been difficult to deal with, let alone my kidneys not functioning properly.  Unfortunately, I do need medication to combat this thing, otherwise I would totally be into the holistic method, but I'd rather not die sooner than I have to.  In order to help myself and keep myself healthy for as long as possible, changing my eating habits will be the first step on a long road to recovery.

    The one thing I can control is my eating habits, which have been abysmal for most of my adult life.  I'm Irish and Italian, which is a dangerous combination when it comes to consuming food at family gatherings.  My entire diet has been based on the potato and pasta as a base, so that needed to change before I could make any significant progress.  I totally still miss pasta sometimes, but I've found that I don't crave it as much any more.  It's fine in small amounts and in whole grain form, but not every week or every meal.  Same with potatoes.  We just had baked potatoes the other night for dinner, but before that I couldn't tell you the last time I ate one.  It's sad giving up some of my favorite foods, but that just means I have to find ways to eat them that are similar, but healthier.  Subbing sweet potatoes or root veggies instead of the standard white potato and whole-grain rice instead of pasta has proven to be just as tasty and effective.  This way, I don't have to relinquish my heritage by way of food.

(homemade white pizza with local kale, caramelized local onions and sunflower sprouts)

    So far it's been about a month since I started this thing and I think it's going well.  There are still some things I need to work on, (like my willpower and weaning off my cheat days/meals), but overall I think I've made some progress.  The more I eat clean and healthy, the less I'll want to eat the crappy foods I loved before.  Finding snack alternatives has been the trickiest part of this situation, but I've found that snacking on raw veggies and fruit and cheese has been just as satisfying, if not more so, than grabbing a box of Cheezits.  I've also been eager and willing to try new and interesting healthy recipes I've found on Pinterest, so you can follow me there to see what recipes I've pinned.  I've also started posting pictures of some of my meals on Instagram, so follow me there as well, (links to all my social media are on the right!)  I still have a long way to go before this lifestyle is embedded in my system, but it's a good start and I'm up for the challenge.  I'm hoping to at least lose some weight by this time next year.

    If you're curious and confused about where to start, check out some fitness and foodie blogs and YouTube channels.  I like the Muffin Topless blog because she has some great recipes as well as some great fitness tips and plans.  I really also like the Anti Beauty Queen on YouTube because she's funny and a real person you can relate to.  She usually posts food related stuff, but everything she makes looks really good!  Those are just my personal faves, but honestly I get most of my recipe ideas from Pinterest, so if you don't have an account already WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?!  It's literally the best resource for finding recipes, so I'd give that a shot first!  You're actually likely to find a blogger whose recipes you really like through Pinterest as well.  If you have a chronic illness or you just want to adapt a healthier lifestyle, I definitely recommend eating clean and local foods and adding more produce to your diet, as a general guideline.

(marinated salmon over local mixed greens)

    If you have a chronic illness and have questions about clean eating, let me know in the comments!  Also, make sure to follow me on social media to follow me on my clean-eating journey and keep up with my health improvements.  If you have an awesome healthy recipe you want me to try, leave that in the comments as well!  I might try to post more about my healthy eating, including pictures and a detailed entry of what I ate during the week, but we'll see.  If you'd enjoy that, let me know!  Until next time, I remain your faithful correspondent.

Why I'm A Recluse

    Hello there everyone.  I've decided that, for the time being, I'll be posting primarily on Tuesdays and Thursdays, unless something comes up and I have to plan accordingly.  I haven't figured out a set schedule for posts yet, but there may not be one.  That being said, this is only tentative as I'm not sure how my commitment will waver once I finally get a job.  If I forgot to mention it, I've been unemployed since early June and I'm working on it.  I will also be starting online coursework in January for my new Master's in Library and Information Studies degree, (yes, this is a long way away and no, I'm not crazy, just tethered to the higher educational system, clearly).  Again, this may impede my scheduling commitment, but for now, let's see how this goes.

    Today, I'm going to talk a little bit more about myself.  As some of you already know, I have Systemic Lupus Erythematosis, or Lupus for short.  This is an autoimmune disease that affects most of my body, including my internal organs, which has been the bane of my existence for the last 15 years or so.  Currently, I'm fighting off kidney disease and possible failure, but it's gotten a lot better since last summer when I was severely close to needing dialysis.  I've been on a multitude of medications, including drugs intended for patients going through chemotherapy and steroids to help with everything from swelling joints to an inflamed heart.  I've been feeling much better as of late, but I still have a long road to possible recovery, which is still not guaranteed.

    Why am I telling you all this?  Well, it has everything to do with why I enjoy spending as much time inside as humanly possible.  I would trade an afternoon at the beach on a nice day like today for a quiet afternoon in my bedroom reading a book or four.  Technically I've been a self-proclaimed introvert for as long as I can remember.  I know I wasn't always this way because I used to be spunky and outgoing when I was younger.  I have no idea when my personality flipped or when I decided that being quiet and out of the way was easier, but by high school, I was the girl walking head-down through the hallways, trying to get to her next class without getting pushed or stepped on.

    It was a different story when I was with my friends.  Once you get to know me, I'm a bit of a weirdo.  I love making people laugh and many of my friends come to me for advice on the rare occasion that they need any.  I tend to keep a close group of about a dozen good friends nowadays because it's a lot easier and they satisfy my need for happiness.  I enjoy the time I spend with my friends, when I do spend time with them, which has become a rarity as of late.  This isn't because I dislike my friends, but because I hate interacting with people in general.  It takes a lot of my willpower to force myself to hang out with my friends and it took me a long time to figure out why this was a problem.  I love all my friends and family dearly, but there's something else at work here that I felt like explaining.

    It's difficult having an invisible illness like Lupus.  You never know if you're going to wake up exhausted or sore or any other combination of things.  There are variables you have to consider, like making sure you have sunscreen on before you go outside so your kidneys don't suffer or taking a bottle of Advil with you in your purse, just in case.  No amount of coffee could ever correct the chronic fatigue I experience on a daily basis, so it just becomes another mundane routine.  Not a lot of people realize that it's difficult to just get out of bed in the morning, let alone leave the house and get things done.  I've discussed "Spoon Theory" briefly before I think, but I'll leave the link here for those of you who are interested.  Basically, this theory discusses the idea that "Spoonies," or people with chronic illnesses, have a specific number of "spoons" they can use throughout a typical day.  Once those "spoons" are gone, so is their motivation and energy.  A normal human being has an unlimited amount of "spoons" to use in a day and they don't understand what it's like to make decisions based on how many spoons you have.  We need to pick and choose how we use ourselves each day for fear of crashing too early.

    This is why I plan out most of my days in advance.  I'm also mildly OCD, (Onychophagia), but that's besides the point.  The drugs I'm on don't help my mood either.  They've had affected everything in my life, including my appearance and my relationships with people I care about, like my husband and my friends.  The steroids were the worst part and they're one of the main reasons I spent a good portion of time indoors.  While the steroids helped with inflammation and pain, the side effects were less than satisfactory.  I gained a considerable amount of weight, so much so that I felt embarrassed to go out in public because I didn't look like myself.  I tried everything to get the swelling in my face to go down, but to no avail.  I looked like someone who just had their wisdom teeth out on both sides, only it stayed like that for months.  On top of that, because of the severity of my kidney failure, my hair had begun to fall out again, so I had to cut most of it off.  Although I got used to my new hair cut, the hair loss was still relatively noticeable.  I didn't want anyone to see me like that, so I stayed hidden, only leaving to go to work or school, if I had to.  It was a tough time for me and my self esteem.  No one really prepares you for that when they prescribe you medication.

    Due to the strenuous nature of my disease, coupled with the effects of the steroids and other drugs I've pumped into my body, my desire for human interaction has plummeted.  After spending so much time in the house, it's been difficult for me to find my way back outside again.  I've gotten much better and, since being off the steroids, my face has gone back to normal and I've even lost weight.  I have really no reason to stay inside other than the mental repercussions of what I've gone through over the last year.  I wanted to tell this side of my story because it's one that gets little to no attention in the world of chronic disease.  I'm not the only one who's suffered at the hands of steroids and other drugs with physically altering side effects.  I also wanted my friends and family to be aware that even though I may not attend every party or get-together that may come along, I am not avoiding you.  I am actively working on getting out more and experiencing things that I used to enjoy.  I still have to be careful and it definitely won't be easy, but I will try to make a conscious effort to include myself in things.  I'm hoping that next year will be my year to get back to whatever "normal" means for me now.  Thanks for reading and understanding.  I promise that the next post won't be as deep, but I had to get this off my chest.  Until next time, I remain your faithful correspondent.

Can I Keep You?

    Hello all!  The end of another week is in sight and I have to say this one was a lot better than the last.  I got some much-needed answers to my kidney questions, a chance to substitute teach for my cooperating teacher and got some packing done for the move.  And there seems to be free candy in my future, so that's a plus.  I've been in an incredibly good mood lately so let's hope that holds!
    I finally got to meet with my Rheumatologist to go over the results of my biopsy on Tuesday.  Nothing good, but I at least know what's going on.  Apparently, my kidneys are in a state where they need to be treated aggressively in order to combat the Lupus nephritis.  I'm currently at stage four, which is worse than I thought... (stages from 1-5, one being the lowest)  I feel fine, but we're still taking this seriously.  It will take two years for a full repair and recovery, but I'm ready for it.  Hopefully some good will come out of this and I might be able to start a family at the end of all this.  Thank you everyone for the positive thoughts, I really appreciate it.  Spoonies unite!

    I think one of the things contributing to my stellar mood lately is the prospect of moving out of this Godforsaken apartment.  At the beginning of the week, when I thought someone had stolen our recycle bin for a SECOND time, I thought I might lose it.  Luckily it has been recovered, but my hesitation about this neighborhood only grows by the day.  I've noticed that after awhile certain places I've lived lose their appeal.  It's usually around the two year mark where I get antsy and need a change of scenery.  This time it lasted a little less than that, but I still think we made the right decision.  Soon enough we will be able to breathe a sigh of relief.  Until then, I'll be living out of boxes and hoarding all the newspaper I can find.
    In teaching news, I had probably the best class I've had in awhile today.  Figures it was the one day that I walked in on a surprise subbing opportunity.  I had fun with my own kids and absolutely no problems with the other classes on my own.  I felt great all day and the fact that I had concrete plans in front of me helped cement that confidence.  Needless to say I feel that my first solo mission was a success, so hopefully I'll get to do more of them in the near future.  I actually felt in control for the first time in awhile, so maybe this is a sign that I will be ready come Trimester 2 when I get to take over my class again.  In less than three weeks that will be my reality, so fingers crossed!

    For TV I've got Once Upon a Time, Agents of Shield, The Flash and the Face Off finale.  By now you know there's spoilers a-brewin...  First, I'm really glad that Dina won this season of Face Off!  She's definitely the most improved all around, even though I don't believe she ever did anything terrible.  Definitely well deserved.
    Once was crazy this weekend!  Emma and Regina working together, the Emma flashbacks, Mary Margaret's lingering pregnancy brain and the Snow Queen with her surprise connection to Emma.  I'm kind of glad that Elsa took a little bit of a back seat this episode so they could focus more on the dynamic between Emma and Regina.  I'm also really happy that Emma is starting to open up more to Hook, which means that they could become a more serious thing.  The most shocking part of that episode was for sure the end, when Emma casually decides to watch a video from her past which happens to have the Snow Queen in her alternative form.  Apparently she used to work at wherever Emma was staying in foster care, (I think), which is huge!  I guess we'll find out soon what her real connection is to everyone and why she's so desperate for the dark power and someone to love.  Isn't that everyone's evil intention in a fairy tale world?
    Agents of Shield was interesting this week.  I have a funny feeling at least one person is lying, manipulating and/or planning something without the others knowing.  Mainly just Coulson, but I feel like he's always one step ahead of everyone else or in cahoots with the right people at the right time.  I felt very confused by the energy around Skye, Coulson and Ward.  I can't tell what's going on with them anymore, but it'll be interesting to see where Ward goes from here, now that he's broken himself out of prison.  Where Coulson was working closely with May for the last few episodes, now he seems to be trusting Skye a little more, so they might have something planned that the other members of the team aren't privy to.  This season has started a bit slow for me, but we'll see how these issues work themselves out.  At least they seem to have the support of the army now.

    I know I haven't talked about this particular show yet, but The Flash has proven to be very successful in the wake of shows similar, like Arrow.  Obviously because we watch Arrow we had to start watching Flash, especially because of all the potential crossovers, which happened this episode.  Felicity Smoak, everyone's favorite sexy tech lady, ended up in Central City for one day and seemed to have all the fun.  She is by now an expert at keeping secrets and hacking anyone's computer system, almost as fast as Barry can run.  I loved seeing her outside of Starling City, but it did feel weird to not have Oliver or Diggle there with her.  We know that the events happening now in The Flash happened awhile back from the Arrow perspective, but it still felt relevant.  Barry and Felicity have a mutual understanding for each other, so I hope we see more of her and possibly Barry over in Starling City, once this whole League of Assassins thing blows over...
    That's it folks!  I have so much to do and less time to do it in.  Tomorrow my plans are a simple night in, by myself, packing and watching as many Halloween-themed movies as I can handle.  I usually save Casper for the 31st.  Luckily my dad is awesome and saved me all his leftover candy from tonight's trick-or-treating festivities:)  Looking forward to the nest few weeks and making November my bitch.  Until next time, I remain your faithful correspondent.

Health Update

    Hey everyone!  I'm currently on day two of my extra long weekend and I'm feeling much better.  I didn't want to post yesterday in order to give myself a little more time to recuperate after my operation, so I'm posting today instead.  Not a lot has happened in the last week or so, but I'll fill you in on the big things.

    My kidney biopsy went very well yesterday.  The staff at the hospital made me feel so much more comfortable about the whole situation that I would honestly do it again if I needed to.  I spent my entire day there, which was a bummer since it was the most perfect fall day outside.  Luckily I got to experience the outdoors today instead.  There were no immediate complications and I'm still a little sore and stuffed up, but otherwise I feel fine.  All my entry points are healing nicely without any discoloration and I've had almost no abdominal pain since I've been home.  The procedure, although initially very scary, wasn't as bad as I had imagined it to be.  The worst part of it all was probably putting in the IV and the distribution of the numbing agent through my back.  Overall it went well and I'm hoping that they got a decent sample to give me some answers in a week or two.
    As for teaching, I've been taking more of a back seat lately.  Due to my health issues and frequent absences, my professor and cooperating teacher thought it would be a good idea to follow a co-teaching model up until the end of the first trimester, (which will end up being sometime in November).  I'm hoping that I have my Lupus under control by that point where I can take on more of a leadership role.  I'm relieved to have a little more time to get some observations in, work on my pedagogy statement and focus more on following directions in the classroom so I can make sure I'm doing everything right.  Come spring I'd like to feel a little more confident in my teaching abilities and earn my cooperating teacher's trust back so that I can substitute and lead my class properly, but right now I know I'm not in a good spot to do that.  Sometimes in situations like mine you have to learn to be humble and take what you're given, even if you don't want to.

    It's also been awkward dealing with what I've come to recognize as my "new normal."  I've had Lupus for about 14 years now and for most of that time I was in remission.  I hadn't had to deal with any serious health problems since 8th grade, which was the last time I was hospitalized.  Now it seems that my body is changing rapidly in a negative way and I've never had to deal with something of this magnitude.  Over the last month or so since I've started teaching I've talked to my professor and cooperating teacher a lot about "accommodations" related to my health and I've never really thought about it like that before.  I've never thought of myself as someone who needed to be accommodated for and that makes me feel sort of fragile, like I'm not able to do the things I've always been able to do.  My "new normal" situation is sometimes frustrating and aggravating to the point where I just want to shut it all off.  Since I've been on the steroids it's been a lot easier to move around and do simple tasks like opening a bottle of water, but I'm afraid of what will happen when I'm done with them.  Will I be prescribed something that actually works for my whole body or will we ache through another month or two of trial and error until we find a combination that works for now?  There's a lot still up in the air and not a whole lot of explanation, but I guess that's what I've been given.  If I've learned anything from this experience, it's that sometimes you just have to roll with the punches.

    PREPARE FOR SPOILERS: As for TV for the last week, my husband and I ended up binge-watching everything we missed last week last Saturday so we're all caught up for now.  Bones made me cry and I really wish they didn't kill off Sweets...but it looks like it'll be a huge motivator for Booth and Brennan to catch whoever is behind it.  I also hope that Daisy doesn't name her child Seeley Sweets, but we'll see.  We watched the premier of Arrow last night and it was awesome for about two seconds.  I've wanted to see Oliver and Felicity together SO BADLY and then they're date was ruined and then he changed his mind and WHAT THE HELL OLIVER?!?  Also, killing off Sarah may or may not be a good move, but I guess we'll see how this plays out over the rest of the season.
    That's all I have for this week.  Monday is a holiday, hence the extra long weekend joyousness, so I'm back to school on Tuesday for an intern-friendly field trip.  Should be a nice, relaxing couple of days and I plan on taking full advantage of them:)  Until next time, I remain your faithful correspondent.